Assassin’s Creed Review

This is the one right? This is going to be the very first video game adapted into a movie that will prove that video game movies can work. Michael Fassbender is here and there’s absolutely no way he would sign on to a bad movie, right? WRONG!!! Assassin’s Creed is everything you hoped it wouldn’t be when you heard the movie was being made.

Before I get into why this movie is horrible, let me get into everything I did like about the movie. The cast on paper is pretty good. Okay so now that we’re done with that we can get into why Assassin’s Creed didn’t work at all. The screenplay was without a doubt the biggest letdown here. There are several things about this plot that makes zero sense. The most noticeable of these things is the Apple of Eden. The entire plot is based around obtaining this object that is supposed to be the key to stopping violence in the world by taking away free will. My simple question is, how? I don’t get how it’s supposed to do that and there is no real reason given to how that is supposed to be achieved. The movie likes to get ahead of itself only to backtrack and explain things and hope it makes sense to the audience.

Much like how I’m going to tell you a reason why I didn’t like the movie before even telling you what this movie is about. Assassin’s Creed follows this group of scientists as they attempt to find the Apple of Eden. To do this they fake the death of a man named Cal Lynch and attach him to a machine that can help him relive the life of an ancestor of his named Aguilar, that happens to be part of this Assassin’s Creed. Apparently Aguilar was the last known person to have the Apple of Eden and they hope that Cal can gain enough information to tell them where it is. I know it sounds stupid, but it gets worse. This creates a divide in the movie. Some of the movie takes place in the present day while some of it takes place in 1492 through the eyes of Aguilar. This wouldn’t be a problem if there was a better balance. Sadly, most of the movie takes place in present day and everything that happens there isn’t interesting at all. I’m not trying to say that the things going on with Aguilar were good, but they were noticeably more entertaining than anything going on in present day. All you see Cal do is walk around the lab having exposition dumped on him every 5 minutes. It’s boring and makes the movie feel twice as long as it actually is.

There’s actual action when Cal is hooked up into the machine and we start watching Aguilar fight. The action wasn’t very good though. The action sequences are shot very similar to how the Resident Evil movies are shot, and that is not a compliment. It’s clear that there is some pretty good stunt work going on during these scenes, but it’s completely lost in the incompetent shot composition. Not only do scenes look sped up and cut together horribly, but the movie continuously cuts back to show us Cal in the machine mimicking the moves that Aguilar is doing in the past. It’s stupid and they felt the need to do this strange cut back during every single fight in the past. I could understand them showing us in the first fight so we know it’s happening, but after that it makes no sense and takes away from the little bit of potential enjoyment in the movie.

This brings me to the next thing that didn’t make sense. Apparently if the person is hooked up to the machine enough they can now fight the way their ancestors could. Huh? Really? I’m willing to suspend disbelief, but at a certain point I can’t take it. Not only do the people gain the skills of their ancestors, but their personality shifts as well. It was a very jarring thing to be brought up and it was a focal point in the 3rd act of the movie.

The characters themselves are terrible. By the end of the movie we know nothing about any of the characters. They didn’t even make it clear as to who we should be rooting for. There is nothing unique about Cal or Sofia in this film. The characters are written to be so generic that the acting talents of Michael Fassbender, Marion Cotillard, and Jeremy Irons are all wasted. There is this one scene where Michael Fassbender starts singing out of nowhere. It does nothing for the movie in the same way that Lex Luthor’s jolly rancher scene did nothing for BvS.

I don’t even want to talk about this anymore. Assassin’s Creed was a dull and lifeless movie that was driven by a screenplay that tripped over itself time and time again. It’s not good at all and the actors here deserve a lot better than this. I guess video game movies will have to take another L and hope that either Tomb Raider or Rampage can finally bring home a good video game adaptation.

Assassin’s Creed gets a 18/100 and is awarded the title of…

Dumpster Juice

 

 

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One thought on “Assassin’s Creed Review

  1. I couldn’t really find much in the past to cling onto for entertainment either honestly. The 3rd act is unforgivable though. The whole lead up to the end and end itself did not sit well with me. I almost fell asleep 5 times trying to finish the movie lol

    Liked by 1 person

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